Fic: Twelve Random Facts About the Angel Aziraphale

Companion piece to Twelve Random Facts About the Demon Crowley

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Twelve Random Facts About the Angel Aziraphale

1. Yes, as a matter of fact, he likes women just fine.

2. Aziraphale is an unrepentant omnivore: of his past half dozen incorporations—not counting
the one that was misplaced during Armageddon or the one cremated in Alexandria—one was
attacked by a bear, one was thrown to the lions, one was eaten by a pack of hungry wolves,
two were eaten by Crowley, and one drowned after being pushed off the Ark by a cow.

3. He never bothers with the begats, either.

4. Not laughing at “Anthony James” has earned him three separate commendations.

5. The first time he falls in love, five thousand and eight hundred years away from home, he
is sitting in a crowded opera house in Vienna with his eyes closed, trying to understand how
something so beautiful could be wrong. When he looks up, he sees a silk handkerchief and a
face more familiar than it should be, and he thinks perhaps this is not the first time after all.

6. Louis XIII would pale at the amount of snuff it took him to get through Heart of Darkness.

7. Office Supplies is mystified at the constant instream of Robert Redford photographs.

8. Secretly, he thinks that sex with Crowley is a lot like being poked in the nose repeatedly:
invasive, slippery, and all too likely to bring tears to one’s eyes.

9. While he certainly would not kill for chocolate torte, with proper persuasion he might be
convinced to show some lenience where the fourth and eighth commandments are concerned,
and of course the fifth hardly applies to him at all, when you think about it.

10. Contrary to popular belief, it is he who deserves the blame for that infinitesimal non-hole
in the ozone layer—although, in his defence, he’d had rather more than his fair share of wine
that time, and Crowley really ought to have stopped him trying to succeed where Icarus failed.

11. On Thursdays, he likes to watch How Clean Is Your House and gloat.

12. Sometimes when he looks at Crowley, he thinks he might understand what Eve must have
seen in those eyes on their last day in the Garden—but that’s neither here nor there.